When the Version of You That Survived Can’t Lead the Life You’re Meant to Live

There comes a time in every healing journey when you realize something painful but profoundly liberating:  The version of you that helped you survive is not the authentic self, and this survival version of you needs to go through a death of sorts for you to be able to be who you are and live the life you are meant to live.  This realization doesn't come gently.  It arrives in moments of frustration, exhaustion, or quiet clarity.  It's in those flashes of clarity that you realize your old coping patterns no longer "work," your emotions feel louder than ever, or your soul whispers, "You can't live like this anymore."  And that's because survival was never meant to be your forever home.  It's intended to be a bridge.

Your survivor self is powerful but also very limited.  This version of you was built out of necessity.  It learned how to read rooms, how to keep the peace, how to shrink, how to stay agreeable, how to silence your needs etc.  These patterns forced you to stay busy so you didn't have to feel, and forced you to disconnect from yourself so you didn't break.  This version of you is intelligent.  Resourceful. Adaptive.  It got you through experiences that your nervous system didn't have the tools to process at the time.  It kept you safe in environments where safety wasn't guaranteed.  It helped you function when functioning was the only option.  But survival mode comes at a cost...you start to believe that survival is your identity.

The life you're meant to live is the life of your authentic self.  The one aligned with your truth, intuition, confidence, and purpose and this version of you requires emotional openness, connection, and presence.  Survival mode shuts all of that down.  
When you are stuck in survival patterns, you:

• Avoid closeness because vulnerability feels dangerous

• Let fear make decisions

• Stay in familiar pain rather than step into an unfamiliar possibility

• Carry old stories as if they are still true

• Repeat the same emotional cycles even when you're trying to grow

• Feel unworthy of the life you say you want

• Self-sabotage because expansion feels unsafe

It's not that you are broken.  It's that your nervous system, your beliefs, and your identity are still wired for an older version of you.  You're trying to build a new life, with the emotional frequency of the old one.  And that will never work. 

Transformation is not about becoming a new person.  It's about remembering the version of you that existed before survival became your personality.   You may not even have memories of this person, and that is okay, too.  To step back into the authentic version of you, it starts with making some conscious shifts in your day-to-day life.  When you catch yourself being reactive, try taking a step back and regulating your nervous system.  Instead of people-pleasing, it's important to have clear boundaries and stand by them.  When you notice that you are abandoning yourself, flip the script to honouring yourself.    These shifts won't happen in a single moment.  It happens when you consciously choose to grow rather than falling into old habits and repeat that every chance you get.

As you are growing through this journey back to your authentic self, it is important to remember that your survival self deserves gratitude and not blame.  You don't have to hate the version of you that survived.  You don't have to punish yourself for once needing those patterns.  Instead, honour that version of yourself.  Thank them, and acknowledge their brilliance, then gently let them go because your next chapter needs a different leader: Your authentic self.

When you begin to live your life as your authentic self, your life will feel different.  Not because external things have magically changed, but because you have changed:

• You stop explaining, shrinking, or defending who you are

• You regulate your emotions instead of reacting to them

• You create relationships that are nourishing, not draining

• You express yourself without fear of judgment

• You become the steady, grounded version of you that you always knew existed

• You trust your inner voice more than others' expectations

• You stop living for survival and start living for alignment

This is your authentic self, the you that you were created to be.  Now it's time to live the life you are here to live.  

Dr. Laurie Williams D.Ms
https://lauriewilliamswellness.com/